July 17 2009 – Tour de France Stage 13 Vittel-Colmar

July 17 Stage 13 of the Tour de France

We awoke to very humid and pre-storm conditions after heavy rain (subsequently cleared) that night. Heading out of town on the tour route, we found a coffee bar, having now find out that they don't do lattes (particularly soy lattes) in France. We worked out that we had to have espressos with a dash of cream – I took to short blacks very, very quickly.

I wish I could remember the place we got coffee – very civilised. The manager shook our hands as we entered – “Bonjour”.

We headed for the Col du Firstplan – the final climb of Stage 13 – and looked for a spot. This turned out to be tricky on such a small col – it was already packed at 8AM!

I was stressing but we got a spot near some Tom Boonen fans and set up. We got the bikes out and headed down the col on the tour route into some delightful Germanic villages – Lautenbach, Osenbach, Wintzfelden and Shweighouse where a big video screen I think was set up. We ascended the Col de Platerwasel afer stopping for awesome coffee in Lautenbach and headed back up.

The below place had good coffee and is now at wherespresso.com

Smashing the climbs just a couple of hours before the tour was ace, with people cheering and clapping.

We got to the top of the Firstplan, turned around and got to the van. I voted we do it again, so we headed down to Osenbach at which point I wanted to stop in case the gendarmes blocked us from returning further down the road. Dumpkopf Mikhail said nein so we headed past Lautenbach and into a town and snap, the gendarmerie pounced and sought to prevent our return at a checkpoint, saying access was blocked until 4.30PM – it was 11AM at this stage. They were insistent, which was grating given people 50m up the road were cycling.

I was NOT happy at this stage, seeking ways around, but Michael just got can do, and made us head up through 3 vineyards (muddy, with cleats) and then through some private property, some blackberry patches, then along a 12 foot sheer wall with about 3 inches of foot space, holding a fence, bike on shoulder (one of the silliest things I've done) – with the owners talking to us in French and me just saying “Desolee, desolee” (sorry) and as soon as I was on the road, about 100m from the checkpoint I was off like a rascally rabbit. Outflanking the gendarmerie certainly was gratifying.

We rode back up to the top again.

Back at the van, the rain had set in, and we got ready as Aussie after Aussie went past, saying “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie” – to which we responded “Nnnnnope.com” or “Nein, ve are Nederlanders” – none of this “Oi Oi Oi” business, thanks. The van behind us was populated with (Dr Evil voice) fricking Belgians with a big Tom Boonen flag on the windscreen. It was funny to watch people gabbing away in all languages going past saying things unintelligible, only for us to then hear “Oh, Tom Boonen.” As you can see from this link, this became our trip catchphrase.

Below you can see why you need a bike rack when Campervanning France.

The stream of cars before a tour stage is seemingly endless. VIPs, officials, team cars. It certainly builds excitement and anticipation early on in the day.

The sponsors cars eventually came past and people went bezerk to score free stuff. I scored some stuff as the rain continued, with Michael sitting in the car, and sponsor's people literally (literally-literally, not literally as in “figuratively”) passing him stuff.

Very, very wet at this stage.

Eventually the sponsor's cars gave way to silence. Then the choppers could be heard. Then cheering down the hill. Then the gendarmes on motorbikes, then, they were upon us. German-Aussie Heinrich Haussler was in the lead which caused a big cheer. The peloton followed some minutes behind; they passed very quickly, then it was all over!

Chavanel, I think. Chasing Haussler.

Le peloton sont arrives!

And then, they were gone.

It was a little anti-climatic to be honest.

We got in the car and then battled the traffic and headed south for Bern.

The rain was unrelenting and the roads gnarly as Audi supervagons smashed past us at unnerving speeds given the weather. Stupidly, I had not brought my grandparent's AA mapbook of France so we were relying on my iPhone + Google Maps – this has caused a 100MB download accumulation and probably a $1000 bill (or more). The roads are a little confusing and we missed the Bern turn off, meaning we had to head into the Swiss Alps on narrow roads, late at night in the pouring rain. Good on Michael for late night narrow road driving.

We had to again outflanken the gendarmerie, parking up in a delightful Swiss town called Saanen for the night. We slept fitfully.